Mother’s Day: Keeping It Real

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Michelle Eisenberg

I looked forward to my first Mother’s Day with great anticipation and had planned a getaway with hubby and baby boy to a little B&B on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. We left Friday night and carried our sleeping little guy into the room, set up the pack and play, and then… disaster struck.

My husband came down with a terrible virus and was in miserable shape… somehow struggled through Saturday but at 7 AM Sunday we were back in the car, with me at the wheel heading home. I spent the rest of that day like any other day, took my son to the park, ran some errands…

I knew I was loved and appreciated even if there was not a big Kodak moment.

Since then I have kept my expectations pretty low as far as gifts and celebratory functions on Mother’s Day. I can’t really remember what I have done or received the past few years, but I know I have spent the holiday with family. This year we are visiting my 89-year-old grandmother, now with my two boys.  She will get to enjoy seeing them, and I will enjoy seeing her enjoy them.

I take the opportunity to be proud of my kids and the job I’m doing as a Mom, rather than looking for a knee-jerk “thank you” or cheesy gift.

My verbal son tells me how much he loves me every day, and my baby gives me grand smiles. My husband tells me on a regular basis that he thinks I’m a great mom and my parents and in-laws do too.

Sure I’d enjoy some “me time” but as a working mom it’s actually an indulgence for me to spend a day being really in the moment with my kids… so that’s how I will be spending this Mother’s Day.

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Teaching Girls About Science

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Andrea

I’m a mom to two girls.  I know that math and science have been considered male subjects for ages.  I don’t want my girls to be afraid of math and science and to be honest, I never want them to know that those subjects are considered to be “male”.

This past weekend at the Philadelphia Science Festival there were hundreds of science related tables with projects that kids could work at and learn something new.  My girls created an Easter Egg Submarine, made liquid goo, got an I Am A Girl pin and lanyard, saw a live bee hive, met Brother Bear Berenstein and listened to live music.

It was great to see all of the different ways that kids can interact with science.  How they can learn scientific things while having fun.   I was so excited to learn cool projects that I could do with the kids that would make them excited about science and math.

So, now all I have to do is put all of it into motion.  That part is going to be easy right?

How are you introducing your kids to science?  What activities have you tried?

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Kids’ Injuries: When Everyone Has An Opinion, Trust Your Instincts

Posted on April 22, 2012 by Michelle Eisenberg

As a parent, when your child is injured you may find yourself wishing not only that you were a doctor (unless you happen to be a doctor!) but also that you were your child, so that you would know exactly what the injury feels like. It can be hard to get unemotional information for your child in the heat of the moment, and, as a recent experience showed me, external opinions are also of little help.

We visited extended family for Passover and our older son was playing with his cousins, riding in a push-type car of some sort, and he ended up bending his foot backward and hurting it very badly. Cousin J, who is a doctor (neurosurgeon), examined it and said, very obviously, “It’s either fine, sprained or broken.” That diagnosis was not much help, but his lack of alarm, as the father of two children of his own, was reassuring. This was not an emergency. Since my son could walk on the foot, albeit with pain, it was likely not broken.

In the back of my mind, however, I didn’t want to be the parent who neglected to do something if it would mean that the injury could get worse or not heal properly. So I called the nurse at our pediatrician, who responded with the typical overly-cautious, CYA recommendation that I expected, “Get him to an emergency room right away.”

“Why?” I asked, wanting to be sure that a delay wouldn’t cause any harm.

“Because you don’t want him to be screaming in pain at 2 in the morning,” she said.

Well, that told me that “wait and see,” if the pain was not unbearable now, was probably OK.

We stayed for the seder and our son hobbled around fairly well. He slept through the night
without incident. We went back the next morning to visit with relatives again. Half of them
said, “He seems to be walking on it much better today.” We felt reassured. The other half
said, “Wow, it looks like he really hurt himself.” We felt worried. We received all kinds of
advice – soak in Epsom salts, wrap the foot, ice the foot, etc.

In our gut, we felt that things seemed to be improving and were comfortable with our decision to wait and see how he progressed, rather than rush to get an x-ray which would probably reveal nothing. Fortunately, our instincts proved right and he is no longer limping – in the past week he played soccer, T-ball, rode his bike and did all his usual shenanigans.

I know there will be more incidents and accidents, and I just hope that knowing my kid and trusting my parental instincts will continue to help us in the future.

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Maternity Leave: Fantasy, Reality and Surprises

Posted on April 8, 2012 by Michelle Eisenberg

The other week I had a post-delivery appointment at my OB/GYN and there was another mother there, also with a newborn. She was impeccably dressed and immaculately groomed, like she just stepped off a runway somewhere. I was lucky to have showered that morning and managed to swipe some lipstick on, was still in maternity clothes, and feeling rather drowsy without my half-caf cup of coffee. Some people really do live the fantasy, I guess.

Here are some other fantasies I have had about how I would spend time during both of my maternity leaves, and the actual corresponding realities:

Maternity Leave Fantasy: Rent movies that I never had a chance to see/chick flicks that I would not make my husband see.

Maternity Leave Reality: Watch whatever I can get for free on basic cable. The other day the only decent thing on 800 channels of cable was a circa 1971 film about Tzar Nicholas, his wife Alexandra, Rasputin and the Russian Revolution – really uplifting!.

ML Fantasy: I will take the steps necessary to get my college honors thesis published somehow.

ML Reality: Writing 5 dozen thank you notes – seems more time consuming than getting a thesis published.

Fantasy: Take long walks with baby and feel really fit!

Reality: “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”

Fantasy: Read intellectually stimulating books I’ve been meaning to read.

Reality: Re-reading What to Expect to figure out just how many dirty diapers are too many…

Of course, there are things about being home on leave that have far exceeded my recollections or expectations:

  • Being able to differentiate the “hungry” cry from the “I’m wet” or “I’m tired” cry.
  • The lovely feel of peach fuzz on a little bald head.
  • The sound of “Hi Mama” happily shouted up the stairs by my 4 year-old coming home from preschool.
  • Visits with friends, even if I can’t complete a conversation because of kid interruptions.
  • The freedom to not worry about work, probably for the last time in my life until I retire.
  • The two minutes after both kids have gone to sleep when my husband and I relax and tell each other how lucky and happy we are.

Someone else can have my fantasy. I’ll take my reality any day.

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Why I Had to Leave In The Middle Of “The Lorax”

Posted on March 11, 2012 by Andrea

I’ve been waiting five years to take my daughter to her first movie.  I love going to movies and I wanted to share the experience of the “big screen” with her.  A few weeks ago her teacher announced that they were planning a field trip for her kindergarten class to go see The Lorax – a book that they had been reading in class.

Well, if you’ve read this blog before you may know that our kids don’t watch television.   It was a decision we made 5 years ago when we had our first daughter and we just haven’t changed.  We do allow a few “special” television viewing opportunities (the Women’s World Cup, anytime the President speaks, etc.), but those are truly special.  So, I knew that going to see a movie would be a big deal for her (and for me!).

My husband got called away for the day so I had both kids – which I hadn’t anticipated.  I hadn’t expected to take my 3yo to the movies as well – but you do what you have to do.  Since I had already made plans to meet a colleague at the theater I didn’t want to back out.

I wanted to make the day special so we started out with pizza and then headed to the theater.  The kids were excited and we had some candy as a special treat.  The girls got a small popcorn and we headed into the theater about 5 minutes early.  The theater was pretty full, but we found seats.  Then the previews started and everything started to go downhill.

The Lorax is a PG movie and the selected previews were considered “age appropriate”.  But, for my little ones the age appropriate previews were a little much.  Frankenweenie – the story of the dead dog that a little boy brings back to life, Madagascar III (which would probably have been fine if they had seen the original) where animals are separated from their parents when the world splits into continents, and some movie about cartoon pirates (I can’t remember the name) that included swords, large fish eating the pirates and some mean looking cartoon characters.

My youngest daughter – the one I was worried about since she had told me that she didn’t want to go to the movie at all the day prior – was fine.  She seemed to enjoy the previews.  My five year old sat as close as she could to me (my 3yo was in my lap) and grabbed onto my arm.  Then the movie started.

The intro was great – cartoon people, a musical number, a kid with a remote control airplane – all things that they could recognize in real life.

But then the young boy met the Once-ler with the booby trapped house and the dark cemetery like cinematography.  We got through that, but then the tree got chopped down and the Lorax put the Once-ler on the bed headed to the waterfall.  The next thing I knew my five year old was grabbing my arm with tears streaking her face asking to leave.  I tried to get her to stay a few more moments, I promised that everything would be ok – that no one would get hurt.  It didn’t work.  She kept on crying and asked to leave again.  We left.

I don’t know how The Lorax ends, I don’t have any spoilers for you.  Just some advice.

If you are taking your kid to their first movie you should:

  1. See the movie first – so that you can prepare your kids for the story plot.   The movie wasn’t the same as the book so although I thought we knew the story – we didn’t.
  2. Show up late – the first 10 minutes were all previews and they scared my kids.  I wish I had gotten there early, put our coats on the seats and taken the kids into the hall to run around while the previews were running.
  3. Show them a movie at home first – we should have broken our no t.v. rule and had them watch a similar type of movie at home first.  They would have known what to expect.
  4. If you have to leave – ask for a refund.  I’m sure every theater has a different policy, but the manager at the theater (The Frazer East Whiteland Regal) didn’t blink an eye.  He refunded our ticket prices and sent us on our way.

In the end, it will be a while before I get to bring my girls to a movie.  I don’t expect we’ll try that again anytime soon.   But the time will come and I hope they’ll love movies as much as I do.

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What I REALLY Want To Give My Kids

Posted on March 11, 2012 by Andrea

I was reading a post on the “Become a Better Father” blog today and this quote jumped off the page for me:

“I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him.”

That is exactly what I want for my girls.  I want them to feel bigger than anything that gets tossed at them.  Bigger than any negative comment someone will make about their hair, their weight, the clothes they wear.  Bigger then they may feel when they realize that there are others out there who don’t think they are good enough (for whatever reason).  Bigger than the feelings they will feel when they get their heart broken.  Bigger than the pain they will feel when they don’t get/or lose their job.  Bigger than their disappointments.

That is after all what parenting is about.  Right?


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Parenting Issue: To Call or Not to Call the Police

Posted on February 28, 2012 by Andrea

Today I realized that I was officially “old”.  Not old and creaky needing help with a cane, but officially an “old” person – by definition, no longer young.  Today I called the police on a teenager smoking marijuana.

This morning as I was getting my kids into the car for school I saw a girl driving down the street leaning over and using her hands to light a pipe.  What appeared to be a marijuana pipe.

I’m no prude – i understand that teenagers use marijuana and some people believe it’s not a big deal.  I know that there have been issues with drugs in the local school districts.  I wasn’t even shocked that it was happening.  I was angry.

I’m not going to argue about whether or not it should be legalized or if it should be legalized for medicinal purposes.  For me, this is about a teenager driving down my residential street with my kids outside while she is using both hands to smoke a drug that will result in her being “under the influence”.  This is about safety.

At first I was going to run into the street and yell at her, but instead I got her license plate number and got the kids to school.  I called my husband to talk about what we should do – this is our neighborhood after all and it’s our kids we’re talking about.

I went through the pros and cons of calling the police.

  • Pros to calling the police:

    • She certainly won’t drive down my street doing that anymore – so my kids will be safer.
    • She needs to realize that she’s not invincible and that she can get in trouble and/or hurt.
    • If I did nothing but yell at her she would just drive down someone else’s street and endanger other people.
    • Someone brazen enough to do something like this in front of other people (i.e me on my front lawn with my children) obviously doesn’t care about social norms and is likely to need a stronger push to change behavior.


  • Cons of calling the police:

    • I don’t believe that involving the police is necessarily the answer to every situation.
    • I certainly don’t want a childish mistake to upset her future.
    • I live in a drug free school zone area - if she were to be caught with drugs she could face serious punishment.
    • I’d be that person.

In the end, safety has won out.  I can’t in good conscience allow her to drive recklessly around the streets potentially endangering my neighbors, family and friends.  I can’t allow someone who is willing to smoke marijuana while driving within walking distance or an elementary, middle and high school get away without consequences.

Yes, I am officially old.  I am turning a teenager into the police.  I only hope she actually learns a lesson from this and that it saves her from having something worse happen.

Cross your fingers.

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What I Learned About Parenting After Getting Hit By A Car

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Andrea

As parents we all know that life can throw you a curve ball.  Whether it as simple (in hind sight) as pink eye when you have a presentation to give or as complicated as navigating the waters of Special Needs Education being a parent means being able to handle the occasional curve ball.  Last week I got hit by a car while I was walking across the street in Wayne.  Yes, I got hit.  Not my car, but me.  And this is what I learned from it:

Even when you do everything right – the outcome is out of your control.

I pushed the walk button.  I waited for the signal.  I crossed in the pedestrian crosswalk.  And, I got hit by a car.  Even when you plan every detail, and put all your effort into your kids, the outcome is out of your control.   Your child will say or do the craziest thing at the most inopportune moment.  They will decide to change their clothes one more time while you are rushing out the door and you will get a call to pick them up from somewhere when you’re in the middle of a big presentation.  It is just part of parenting.

The people you need are sometimes the people you take for granted.

When I got hit by a car I expected that the police would come and that there would be an ambulance.  I anticipated that someone would help me before they got there and that someone would stay with me.  And all of that happened.  Two male strangers helped me out of the road.  A female bystander called the police.  The police and paramedics came  It is easy to take people for granted – try not to.  The paramedic that talked me through this situation was amazing.  Kind, caring, professional.  Everything I could have asked for.  Sometimes as a parent we forget to say thank you.  Thank you to our spouses, the teachers, the crosswalk guards, the other parent who agreed to pick up your child, the tutor who helped your student conquer Calculus.  Don’t forget to say Thank You.

People will disappoint you.

We often expect the best from other people.   They will disappoint you.  And, your kids will too.  They won’t tell the truth or they’ll make a mistake that will make you question your parenting.  In the end, you’ll move on.  Don’t let it take too long.  In my case, I hoped that some of the people in my situation would have been more supportive.  Would have been more helpful.  Less interested in their own self interest.  Alas, people will disappoint you.

People will surprise you.

The driver of the car that hit me was nice, compassionate and apologetic.  I can’t imagine what it feels like to hit a person with your car – it’s bad enough when you think you hit the squirrel who decided to run across the road at the last minute – let alone actually hitting someone.  She not only did the right thing, but went beyond.  Helping me, staying with me and above all being honest and forthright with the police.  I don’t know her, but I appreciate the fact that she didn’t make a hard situation even worse.  Kids will surprise you.  Expect it.  For better or for worse, kids are full of surprises.

You will learn something from every experience and it probably won’t be what you expected.

I got a lot out of this experience.   I learned about myself in ways that I would never have anticipated.  Leave yourself open to learning from your experiences.  Even the ones that seem to have nothing but trouble to offer you may have some gems if you can unearth them.

In the end, I wasn’t seriously hurt.  I didn’t go to the hospital and I have recovered from the shock.  But, I did learn from the situation and I hope that those lessons stay with me.  Have you ever experienced something that taught you about Parenting in an unexpected way?

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When You Realize Your Baby is Growing Up

Posted on January 28, 2012 by Andrea

We’ve all heard the adage, “enjoy this time, it passes so quickly”. As parents, the day to day tends to take over and we forget to enjoy every moment or to stop to smell the roses. We are too busy negotiating who is doing pick up and drop off. Who is going to register the little one for soccer? Can we do soccer and tennis? Where should they go to school?

The reality is…reality isn’t easy. We have to be flexible all the time. Wary of the changing moods, exhaustion, fun. We have to be watchful that we push our kids, but not too hard. Sometimes all the worrying can cloud our thinking and before you know it, you look at your kid and think, “where did time go?”.

Just the other day, we were having our parent teacher meeting with our eldest daughters teacher. She was describing a child that I felt like I hadn’t yet met. The child she talked about was good. Kind to others, helpful, willing, focused. Things that I work hard to give to my child. When I asked if she ever saw the behavior we see at home she was incredulous. “No!”. “Never!”.

I was dumbfounded. We’ve recently had the opportunity to have our child meet with many adults and teachers in a more clinical/analytical way.  As part of our search for the right school for her she’s undergone intelligence testing and met with a children’s psychologist. Each one described a child that I would only recognize if I squinted and looked very hard. I’ve since spent a lot of time trying to determine what I was missing and I realized that I was missing her growing up. I have gotten so focused on the tasks, on the goal of raising a well -rounded child that I have forgotten to enjoy it along the way.

My daughter is wonderful and generous, kind, smart, and funny and empathetic. She is also a terrible drama queen, unfocused, irrational and mouthy. It took me a while to recognize that my daughter is all of these things. She has somehow learned to show one face to the world and hide the other face for us at home. My baby girl is growing up and I don’t want to miss anymore of it than I already have.

When did you first realize your little one was growing up into a kid you only partially recognized?

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Where NOT to Put Your Elf on the Shelf!

Posted on December 16, 2011 by Andrea

I’ve read some great posts about how to use the “elf on the shelf” to its best advantage.  I’ve see some really creative ideas like: having the elf (elves) play cards, having the elf play with your kids toys, pinning your elf to the bulletin board next to a silly note, and more.

So, I decided that I needed to step up my elfing antics.  I’ve been stuck in a rut and to be honest my husband has been moving the elf more often than I.    So, I had the brilliant idea to put the elf on the milk carton in the fridge.

Word to the wise – don’t put your elf on the milk in the fridge.

Elf on the Shelf in the fridge

As every child with an elf knows – you aren’t allowed to touch the elf.  So, try to pour your kids milk (as they watch) and not touch the elf.  Multiple times a day.  Not fun.

It was a good idea…but poorly executed.  Next time I’ll put him around the wine – I don’t pour that while the kids are awake!

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